That Speech



The Economist magazine covered Ed Miliband's gloomy speech to his party's conference with this illustration of the Labour leader wandering across Hampstead Heath under a dark rain cloud.

But Private Eye, the UK's best and only fortnightly satirical magazine, went one better with the spoof conference sketch.


MILIBAND'S HISTORIC 
'10-YEAR PLEDGE' TO
THE NATION


by Our Political Staff

Quentin Lettshaveanotherlaughatedmiliband

IN HIS keynote speech to Labour Conference, Mr Ed Miliband astonished delegates by forgetting to say what his spin doctors had been telling everyone for days he was going to say.

The passage Mr Milband forgot to remember had been billed as the centrepiece of his speech.

His plan had been to make a "covenant with the voters", based on three "solemn and binding pledges".  

Those pledges in full
  1. Over the next 10 years, I promise I will do everything I can to look vaguely like a human being
  2. Over the next 10 years, I solemnly swear that I will do everything I can t avoid looking like a complete loser who can't even remember his speech
  3. Over the next 10 years, I resolutely pledge that I will work ceaselessly and round-the clock to conceal the fact that I have forgotten everything I was going to say about everything that's important.
Miliband's critics were quick to seize on his failure to deliver this vital passage in his speech.

But his supporters (Sid and Yvette Balls) declared that they were "absolutely delighted" that Ed had forgotten the key section of his speech because it showed that "Ed is really human after all, and not just some robot programmed to deliver a word-perfect speech, full of cliches and banal sound-bites that you can't remember."   

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