Pathetic Excuses


I enjoyed this list of well-worn pathetic excuses which appear as a spoof Christmas gift (Corporate Reply Dice) in the festive edition of Private Eye - the UK's best (and only) fortnightly satirical magazine.

CORPORATE REPLY DICE

"Includes all the classics   

Ideal for anyone in need of a quick stock reply to get off the hook - only £500 per pair

1 "We acted on information we believed was correct at the time"

2 "We fulfilled all our legal requirements"

3 "I can't comment on individual cases"

4 "Obviously it fell way short of our expectations....."

5 "Lessons will be learned...."

6 "There have been failings in the system, however, substantial progress has been made"

7 Or why not throw a six with: No government minister/company executive/trust director is available to comment"   

Corporate Reply Dice - means never having to say your sorry.

Recommended for use on Radio 4's Today, News at 1, 6 or 10 and Newsnight."

My two personal favourites are Numbers 2 and 5.

Number 2 is typically used by people who are trying to shirk all responsibility for giving duff advice and causing a terrible cock-up.

While Number 5  is the refuge of bureaucrats everywhere as they try and wriggle off the hook - yet without taking any effective action against the wrongdoers.

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